A GIFT FROM GOD

by Kay Sons (Bradenton, FL)

The first few months of my relationship with Jim were blissful. He had everything I’d ever wanted in a man—a terrific sense of humor, he was a hard worker and my, oh my, was he ever handsome! But then things began to change. He began to get impatient with me, unreasonable and angry for reasons I didn’t understand. He also began to call me names, put me down and blame me for everything that was going wrong in our relationship. I was dumbfounded—clueless as to why this man I was growing to love periodically turned on me so completely, and I became fearful and uncertain.

My behavior was not like Jim’s, but I can see now (six years later) I was no angel either. I could be highly independent, very self-centered and given to making assumptions rather than communicating. In short, my way of behaving left Jim feeling confused, at best and rejected, at worst—wondering whether I really cared for him at all.
 

Our discussions to try to correct the situation would soon escalate. Jim would lose his temper and become verbally and emotionally abusive. We were in a Lose-Lose limbo. Satan was having a field day time and time again. I was in denial not only as to how much Jim’s behavior was affecting me, but also about how much mine was affecting him.
 

After two years of this on and off again struggle we married and began a crazy cycle which took us from the upswing, where we’d be happy and so in love then some misunderstanding (typically based around some questionable behavior of mine) would inevitably produce a big “BOOM” in our lives and our marriage would come crashing down around us. Depending on where we were in the cycle, Jim would either perceive me as the VERY greatest thing that had ever happened to him or the VERY not so greatest.
 

We sought counseling and got nowhere. We attended numerous marriage seminars, and always left feeling as though we were high up on some mountain of hope, only to fall off days later. The result? The chasm between us just kept growing wider.
 

I finally hit bottom in early June. We had been through a series of chaotic episodes over a period of several weeks when the final straw came. But this time, instead of feeling fearful something cracked open inside of me. I had grown weary of trying to make sense of the sea of misunderstanding. Suddenly a thought came to me. God doesn’t want us to live like this. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I know God doesn’t want us to live like this.
 

I packed my bags and left my husband for twelve days. My Christian friends were so supportive during that time, and Jim and I met with Pastors Vin and Laura who counseled us, encouraged us and gave us an assignment: Read The Man of Her Dreams, The Woman of His by Joel & Kathy Davisson, and talk to each other every night. We studied individually, but each night we talked on the phone and compared notes. “Where are you in the book now? What did you think of this part?” It was a time of genuine awakening for both Jim and me. Reading that book helped us realize we could turn our marriage around. It gave us hope. We began communicating in a new and wonderful way, and when I returned home we found that God had given us a brand new marriage.
 

Have all our problems magically disappeared? Of course not, but with God’s help, we are improving our relationship day by day. My denial has been transformed into faith and hope. I know that God didn’t bring us this far only to drop us now. In fact, we’re just getting started.
 

We learned from the book that Jim can become the man God is calling him to be by being the husband I need him to be! This is a Win-Win way of living! I believe that’s what God has in mind for His children and that includes Jim and me! What about all the pain of our unhappy past? God has cleansed us of all our past mistakes. These sins are gone as far as the East is from the West. He has made something beautiful out of our once ugly situation. It’s a new and vital time now. Today, I love Jim more than ever before, and I know, without a doubt, he truly is a gift from God.