I AM FREE

by Tamara Dutcher (Bradenton, FL)

Hello! I'm Tamara Sanders-Dutcher , I've had epileptic seizures since I was 9 months old.  Mostly Partical Complex ones. But as a child Grandmal ones. There are theories as to why I've had them, ranging from Genetics to emotional trauma, to head trauma as a baby. but the cause isn't what's important. I should point out that I believe that the seizures were of a spiritual nature. On several occasions, I would have one during church services and wind up being carried out. It was embarrassing and it seemed the enemy was intent on keeping me from drawing close to God. I lived in fear of giving everything to God, because I "knew" a seizure would result. I couldn't even listen to Praise and worship music at times, I would feel one come on. Then when I would turn it off, the seizure would go away. The same if I was in a service and the spirit was real strong, like Dancing, lots of worship and tongues etc. I would get the urge to RUN. I just knew in my spirit, I would be attacked. (with a seizure)

About a year 1/2 ago, missionary Newberry Hearne and his wife Linda were speaking at our church over the course of several days. One night, I went up for prayer, and before I told him anything, Newberry pointed at me and said, "You are going to be healed through surgery." I turned and went back to my seat, telling my husband what happened. I didn't stay there long though. I figured I would catch Newberry off-guard with a question, so I went and got in line again. When my chance came, I asked him, "Does the Holy Spirit tell you what is wrong with someone when he gives you a healing prophecy?  "Yes, he does," was Newberry's answer. "Then what is wrong with me?" I asked. I was really putting Newberry to the test. "You have epilepsy, and God is going to heal you." My jaw just dropped.

Sure enough, within a few short weeks, my neurologist recommended I get brain surgery. This topic had come up before, but my husband Peter was always against it. he felt that if God was not a part of the healing process, it would not be successful and more damage would be done. When Newberry Hearne gave that prophecy, my husband raised his hands in surrender!

I did get the surgery. Anxious for my healing, I started cutting back my own medications (down to half the normal dose) and I over-did it because I had two seizures around three months after the surgery (before the surgery I averaged 7-10 per month).

The doctors made me get back on more medication and have been weaning me off the meds slowly since. I've had several seizures since the surgery, but very few.  A few months back, I went into Tampa General for several days of testing. The goal was to cut off my meds and trigger a seizure on purpose, so that the doctors could get a more accurate brain scan. It took longer than expected to trigger the seizure. When it finally did happen, I was talking and instead of saying the word "seizure" I spelled it. I did not want to give it any glory. But that's when it hit.  It's also when I got the revelation...I fully realized...that I had full Authority in my life, over the seizures and everything else! At some point, someone had been given a vision of a rod across my head, like a cross, right over where my seizures had been located. So I finally understood, after a very long time, that if I have the Power and the Authority, all I need is the Word and I will be The Living Testimony! Awesome!

So here is the reason for my testimony. As of September 29th, it will have been one year since my surgery. I have had a total of 6-7 seizures in that year. As I said, normally, I would have had 7-10 per month! It has been since April since I had a bad seizure. Then one was forced in the hospital for the tests (and the really had to force it). The doctors were wondering if they were going to be able to even force one! That was in June...4 months ago! If they had not forced that one, it would have been 5 months!

So, as I sit at my computer...listening to a sermon by Pastor Vincent Cannatello, he was talking about his dog ruining his remote control ... how God doesn't cause sickness. To do so goes against his character. He mentioned that even with Hurricane Katrina, some people were claiming God caused it to destroy New Orleans. He explained that its the devils' way to push the buttons on our remote. Women dress provocatively, and men struggle with control over their desires. We have to change from the inside-out...not the outside-in.

Something just clicked when he spoke of the men going to the clubs and how it shouldn't entice them. They should be higher than that! The devil is pushing those buttons! When I heard this, I thought, "Wow...the devil cannot push that fear button in me...he can't make me live in fear of a seizure anymore."  How long it's been since I had one popped in my head! That feels so good! I can say I feel free! I can get up for prayer without the fear of a seizure. I can listen to praise and worship music without the fear of a seizure coming on!! HE CAN'T MESS WITH ME!!!

He's finally realizing this, and trying other ways to get through to me, finding other things to get me to fear. One thing I finally figured out...and I remind myself of this all the time...he (the devil) must be the one in fear...of me! He must, because he targeted me even in the womb! He targeted my father who pushed my mother down stairs. The devil tried to kill me! That push caused the bruise on my brain, which the doctors say caused my seizures. Then he caused my father to sexually abuse me when I was still a kid! For years...most of my life...I was walking in defeat...I was the devils whipping post!

I believe Satan is afraid now more than ever. A sleeping giant has awoken. I now know that I have power and authority, and that combined with the Word I can do whatever God has called me to do! I believe realizing that has a lot to do with my healing. My true healing occurred when I started standing up to that loud-mouthed bully! I've been writing checks (in a spiritual sense) in my daily walk. I was in training at my old job with Easter Seals...I use to pray over my clients. It was practice. Praying over people besides my kids was never something I felt comfortable doing...and when I think about that, I remember something Pastor Laura once said ... "If you're uncomfortable, you're in the right place." I can still hear those words in my head! She said that the first time I went to E-Net (she was there visiting).

My biggest battle is over, and guess what? I WON! Praise God, I am Free! I am a testimony of Gods Glory, and I plan to become an even bigger one!